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Delight

MINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(japanese for everyone)
It's been soo long since the last post!
Poor Baby looked so sad, not getting it's updates.
Poor Baby wanted to commit suicide! )=

I promise to blog more from now on!
Oki, so what happend lately to me?
HM! As a loyal reader of my Twitter you know it pretty well.
If not, HA! Bad for you, Loser! (=
Come on, why no follow me haha!

I've read alot of Books and in online forums about humans, relationships and how all of it works.
Everyone say different things, so I go continue to make my own experiences and decisions!

I've met with Dave last week.

My beautiful, skinny legs. :3 And my beautiful shoes. ♥
oh and Dave :)

While he had to talk with someone, I walked a lil up and down and saw this:

)= My emotion sank like the Titanic.
I went with a guy on this play field. We were in this pyramide look a like standing, talking, together.
That guy needs a online name, can't use his nickname, he's using online, coz you find him and being bitchy.
S. is enough. Short, easy ...
While waiting, till Dave is done with someone, I stare at this play field and just wonder, how we went to this. How everything turned out like it is now.
Yeah, you may not know the story.
To make it short:

S. said, he wanted me, he now has a girlfriend.

Wäh )=
It's over.
I no longer waste space for it.
I no rant about it here. I rant enough already and it makes no sense.
If he wanted me, he knows, where I live...

What else happend?


I've lost 16 pounds so far.


FUCK yeah!

I broke my headphones ;_;


I grab some Ben & Jerry's Ice cream.
yummy!


Got new stuff.
Ate ice cream.

Gave Tuner all my love.

Met someone.


Be alive.

This is Charlotte. :)
She is not new to the family. Soon 1 year at our home.
See, how long it takes me to blog.. )=


At the end, all the matters is me.

That was a weird end... haha

schön

Dies Bild ist schön. Ich hatte es sicher schonmal gebloggt, doch es tut gut, es anzusehen. :)

Tuner ♥

why I am WHO I am

Recently I was in a situation, where I got told, when you're ready for a relationship.


When you trust, when you listen, when you understand, what the other person has told you.



I was also told, why I am not in this situation right now:

you are too insecure, too possessive, stalk, do not trust.

I wanna pick up all these pieces and try to make it understandable for everyone, why I am WHO I am and WHY I DON'T CHANGE FOR ANYBODY IN THE WORLD!





Trust


I've heard, trust must be built and maintained.
It must be earned.
I believe trust comes with time. The more you are with someone together, the more you know this person.
You start to understand his / her habits and you can count on this.

For example, when I go buy my water I know how it taste.
I trust it taste as usually. If not, goodbye, I never buy again.

No matter, how long you know a person, it is fully dumb to say, you know that person.
You'll never know anyone but you. And even this phrase can be sometimes deleted.
Just think how often you did the wrong decisions but trusted yourself fully, it'll be working.
Trust is something, I only give once. If you play with me, that's it. You are out.


People change


Statistics says, people change every 7 years.
Yes, he maybe is in love with you right now like crazy but tomorrow, when he goes to work or university, he could see a woman and fall in love with her madly. He will start to cheat and you'll never know it, coz you trust him blindly.
Same goes for best friends.
I once had a bff, who was like a soulsister. Now she is the complete opposite of me. We're no longer friends. Years later, she had the nuts, writing shit about me online. She also was one person, whom I thought, I never could live without. But to this later in the possessive section. Same goes for your mother or your siblings. One day they doing everything for you, they would walk through fire, but the next day they stab you with a knife.


Dating experiences are good experiences, coz you will mature and understand Boys more and more.
I've never thought, I had any dates, coz it was always just meeting a friend feeling. But when I look back, I had dates. I was dating many boys...
Due to my experiences, I can say, I once trusted blindly and it destroyed me completely.
Everybody around me told me, he isn't loving me, he just want's to SYNO.
I didn't believed anybody but him.
I got my paycheck.
He cheated, he did it public (uploading kissing, being half naked in bed with her pics, while I trust him blindly) and I also saw it on TV, coz he needed to be in a Reality Show.
This Day, 3 Days before my Birthday, I died. Heartbreaking is no word for it. My Body just stopped living, my heart stopped beating, my brain stopped thinking. I was dead. clinic, real. I just died.
But I came back. Somehow.
I doubt, most of you knows, what feeling it is, when you turn on TV to relax with yummy food and seeing the one, you love kissing someone else. Saying stuff like: I love you.

So yes, ask me never again, why I NOT TRUST BLINDLY!


As for me, I am mad happy, I don't have now these:


Why did I trust him?


Feelings.
Yes I trusted him every single word, he've written to me.
I also wrote a couple of days ago, that I will trust him until bitter end.
Bittersweet end cames yesterday.
Heartbreaking is no expression for what I've felt..

Prevention is better than cure



Nothing's harder as a broken heart.
If I had trusted him blindley, I could not writing this now, coz I would've died yesterday.
I would have committed suicide.
I fully mean it!
When I love, I really love. I get addicted to this person. It is a stupid in love love.
I love from the bottom of my heart. I have the most primitive nature when it comes to love.
My love is blind...kinda. I love witless...

It seems very silly to me, people putting so much heart, so much obsession to this word.
TRUST

Ist it really that bad, to not trust? Or at least not to 100% but 50%?
Do you really think, I would insult you, just because I don't trust you fully?
I am talking here about MY HEART, that can be broken. So excuse my selfishness but no, no excuse!


Would he give me his FB Password?
Would he give me his cellphone?
Would he trust me, I don't do anything with it?


I doubt it.

I told him my Password for most of the sites, I am registered. Coz I trust him, coz I have nothing to hide.

So why am I the one, who is to blame, just because I can't trust blindly?



Listen


I sucked every word that he spoke like a sponge on. I'm not Sheldon Cooper, I can not remember everything he said. I doubt, he can remember everything, I said. I doubt anyone but Sheldon can...
I loved listen to what he has to say. I cared. Can't believe, he's thinking, I do not..

Understand


At first, when I read his words,
(Reminder: You are not ready for a men, coz you are too insecure ...)
 I was totally a sinking Titanic. Now, hours later, I am pissed.
Very pissed off....
Does he really think, I am THAT STUPID!?
Does he probably ever thought, that he can't make it understandable, what's going on in his mind?
Use the correct words, so mistakes can't happen, k?
When a boy tells you, he wants you as a girlfriend but not a month later says something like: We are nothing; and at the same time: I got this feeling you don't know, what you want but I let it up to you. I give you all the time you need. Is kissing you etc. and gives you all the Hope.
And is telling you a month later, you misunderstood it,
You see, even I can't write it correctly down, coz it is to crazy fucked up.

Of course I can't understand him anymore coz I don't know anymore what HE wants.
Everyday something different. Yes, No,  Yes, No,  Yes, No,  Yes, No,  Yes, No,  Yes, No,  ...
He now said, I have more feelings for him as he for me. Really? How he knows, what I feel?
Did he ever gave me a minute to explain?

NO.

He played with me, yet..
It is this Hope, that makes me feel:

Insecure


He knews it from the very first beginning. Everything bad happend in my life. I fully trusted him. (See Trust Section...)
I've once told him:

hm I'm like a block of ice. You can defrost me. But when I saw the person not for a while I'm going back to one solid block of ice.

And it is his attitude towards me.
He choose for himself, to go on distance but did I knew anything of it?
NO. All I knew was, that he didn't had any time for me anymore.
We saw each other in April much then in May it stopped.
Of course, I start to think stuff like:
Why do he no longer has time? What did I do wrong?
I start to review, what I've said, if I probably said anything silly etc.

By just saying, we need some distance from each other, to control ourselfs or something like that that would've make such a big difference to me.
And I would not asking him if he wants to meet.
This was very nice from him....
To leave me in dark.

possessive


Ok so I've written him:
I can't live without you.

True. But also true is, I can't live without Tuner or my Mom or my BFF.
Right now, I could not imagine a Life without him.
But same goes for all the other boys before him.
It was impossible back then for me to imagine. Same goes to my old BFF's.


Does this makes me possessive?
I gave him all free time. In May we only saw once! ONCE.
Does this makes me possessive?
I asked him a couple of times, if he has time and wants to do something with me.
Does this makes me possessive?
He went to Rome, while I live my life. After he came back, we don't really chit-chat and I also don't ask him like crazy, how it was etc.
Does this makes me possessive?

I am not possessive. I am not like Victoria from HIMYM, telling him, which Girls he can meet and which not. What he can eat and when he can drive his Motorcycle.

I am not controlling him.
And I can't believe, he thinks this of me.

 Let's go to next piece.



stalk


If you talk to other girls, don't blame her for being jealous.

Because at one point, you and her were "just friends" too.


I wasn't on his online profile for over a week or maybe 2. I no stalk his FB. I am not going to his University nor workplace nor home and check out, if he is cheating or something.
I am not sitting with 2 Milkshakes in front of his house waiting till he arrives and asking him:
What did you do!? Where were you!? Why you no call!?

Yes, when a girl is giving him on a online community a: "I like you very much heart" and he gives her a "I miss you" back, should I be silence and do nothing? I don't know this girl, I don't know who she is and I fucking don't care.

 But I care, that HE is MISSING HER not ME.

Flirting is shit, if you want a girl as a girlfriend. There's only one way.
No flirting with other girls. Same goes for me.
Why should I even flirt with other boys, when I know exactly, I want this one guy!?
Overall I didn't care. I told him, how much it hurts me, when he get these hearts. He said, they meant nothing to him and I was OK with it. For a while, till yesterday to be specific.
Since we no longer chit-chat and I don't know anything anymore, all I saw was:
Oh, he got a new girl.

Come on, why he no send me a "I miss you", if he wants me?

Am I really that stupid and don't understand?

Of course, I deleted him in the community after I saw this.
Everybody would do it.

Prevention is better than cure


I safeguard my heart with this. I had a dejavu pop up in my mind, that he will upp a pic soon with her kissing. No thank you. I don't wanna see.

On the other side, he is looking at everyone, who cames to my profile and gaves me a hello.
But you know what? I don't tell him, he is stalking me! I don't tell him, he is possessively.
But when I look at the girls profile to check, who she is, I am stalking and I am possessively.
But when he is looking at every mens profile, it is not?
Fuck off, lah!



This Blog Post is over a month old now (Juny 14), but first published today, cos I wasn't sure, if I really should put it up.
I know now, it is the best for myself, to write everything down to NOT forget, what people doing to me.
Over and over again.
He is one of them.
I never forget.
Thank you Chloe-Lenne for writing it down years ago, cos I totally forgot.

[EDIT!]
Just read something about bikes, when it pops up in my mind:
I've trusted him with my life. I was a Sozia once, twice, ...how often did I drove with him and his motorcycle? Can't remember. Anyway, I've trusted him completely, blindly with my life. I gave MY LIFE in HIS Hands and he has the nuts telling me, "You don't trust me" ?


bff

Gestern:
2008:



Ihre Haare wachsen wie Unkraut, wie sie selber sagt.
Jetzt ist ihre Haarlänge in etwa wie meine, wenn nicht sogar etwas länger.

 ((o(‾◡◝*)(* ◜◡‾)o))

Materie


Faszinierend, wie diese Pflanzen einmal zu essen werden.
Heute las ich dies hier:
http://de.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20120704084904AAr6AVc

und einer antwortete, dass alles Energie ist.
Somit ist The Secret meines Erachtens nach belegt.
Es funktioniert wirklich.
Wie genau, das weiß ich nicht und das muss ich auch nicht.
Ich weiß auch nicht, wie ein Computer funktioniert oder wie ich mit dem Internet mit Menschen auf anderen Kontinenten kommunizieren kann. Alles, was ich weiß ist, dass ich es kann.

Es ist wirklich alles möglich.

Wie viele Menschen haben damals, so um 1860 davon geträumt, ein schnelleres Gefährt zu haben als nur die Kutsche?
Ich denke da immer an Unsere kleine Farm. Vieles wäre einfacher gewesen. Nehmen wir nur mal die Toiletten. Plumpsklos, das ist alles, was sie hatten.
Unvorstellbar für uns heutzutage.
Elektrizität, damals steckte es in den Kinderschuhen.
Oder nehmen wir nur mal die Smartphones oder Tablets.
Vor 5 Jahren mehr oder minder unvorstellbar für die meisten von uns.
Und jetzt alltäglich.
Visionäre sind es, die die Welt zu dem Ort machen, den wir heute haben.
Die Gebrüder Wright wurden ausgelacht, weil sie ihrem Traum vom Fliegen nachgingen.
Weil sie NIE aufgegeben haben.

Die Welt ist unglaublich faszinierend.

(^ω^)

lol


Tuner beim Budeln.
(^ω^)

limousine dream

Once in lifetime, everyone of us is daydreaming about sitting in a Limousine and driving and feeling like only stars can do.
For me, this dream came true.


━━(゚∀゚)⌒Y⌒(。A。)⌒Y⌒(゚∀゚)⌒Y⌒(。A。)⌒Y⌒(゚∀゚)━━!!
Here a Video of me! (Video has no sound, read description of Video, why.)


As you can see, it became pretty dark inside, thus my pics are all very dark, coz, if I used flashlight I looked like:


━━━━━。゚(゚´Д`゚)゚。━━━━━
I am looking like a ghost....haha

So more pics in the dark now!

Ah way better. Face look so smoothy....lol what?! kidding.


wrooooommm!


Let's drink something.

It was so dark inside, really not easy getting any pics , where you can see anything. haha



I no idea, how to put light in the car. And honestly, I didn't care much about it.
Sitting in a Limo was enough for my sweet, little soul. I was so overwhelmed with happiness.
Something I last felt when...hm, when I was with Tuner for a walk and Sunset was there.
Yes, the smallest things can make me happy. ok this one not really small, but...well..

It was so soft sitting there. I said:
"Oh I could live here forever!"

Really, so soft!(゚∀゚)ニ
Here a flashlight pic.
These seats, I never felt anything tender under my butt.. haha
(Can I even write tender? )
Camwhoring:






Is this little kid over there taking pic of me or the car or both?


♪from CHLOELENNE♪

Vienna Blood


ohmygod! Ist das süß und lustig.
Hab mich fast am Nutella Toast verschluckt, als ich das sah.
hahaha
(^ω^)
Tuner's Gesicht BEST

Tuner


ah Tuner wie er zu mir schaut.(^ω^)

Goldig

Dead



Vor Monaten hatte ich mir diese Hello Kitty Uhr gekauft. Nur einmal nahm ich sie, als es furchtbar kalt war, nach draußen. Von da an ging sie nicht mehr.
Wieder Geld zum Fenster rausgeschmissen ...

≧(´▽`)≦


Direkt in die Kamera geschaut. Ich glaub, es gibt bisher kein Foto, wo er das macht.
(^ω^)

ANOTHER:WORLD

Just bought a new Camera!



Welcoming the Lumix G3 to the family! The first Lumix in a Family of Samsung, Fuji and Kodak Cameras.

Since a very long time I've wanted one of these beauties.
After someone took pics of me with a Canon:

I went fire and ice...ok more fire haha (just a geek joke,..ahem.)
Anyways, I fall in love with this absolutely clear graphic.
I had to grab my hands on a similar camera.
Didn't wanted the Canon, coz no flip out display.
I need a camera, where I can camwhore perfect.
Thus means #1 must have is a flip out display.
And Lumix has many of them.
I had my eyes on this camera for a while and decide now it's time to get it.
It was the last one in the shop!
They don't sell this camera in pink in germany. :/
Mad jealous of all japanese girls, can buy a pink camera.
It's not, that there are no pink cameras here, but not the one I wanted....

My old camera. Loving it. This camera captures so many memories and still do.
Flip out Display!



Such wonderful pictures, Lumix took...Oh wait it was me. Lumix just helped :D


I love the focus.
Since years I wanted a cam with blurry background.
Always went to the store and check cameras. But oh the overpriced cams, they never fit with my pocket.

 Now I have finally one.
Focus on the stones. Isn't it awesomeness?


Of course a cloud pic not missing!



Uploading the pictures literally brokes my internet connection...Coz they are so damn big.
Like 10MB per pic.
Now camwhore shots!
Oh wait! We call it the first Mini Photobook! :3














Overall I didn't had to make anything with the pics, coz the camera already "photoshoped" them.
So awesome.♪♪♪
 I no longer waste time for PS my pics :D !
I only have to wait now until my camera bag will come home.
It is of course pink!
And also I got a remote switch.
Better camwhoring I hope!
Next thing I need is a ring light.
This so so important.
You have a ring in your eyes. Looks mad good!
And the pictures overall will look better.
Can't wait to capture memories of Tuner.♪
This camera will memorize a whole new world now.
Another world.
Mini Photobook Ends here.